Lauren – For Taata Lauren

Lauren,
Your Dad loves you so much.
This I found touching,
The same way Manjeri did.
Lauren little angel
May you desire God’s word
And be caring and robust
Just like a laurel tree

Mom’ll understand you
She’ll teach you how to cook
And will give you the first tips on boys.
But your Dad will set the norm for him -
The man you will tie the knot with.

I know little angel
That you’ll read Manjeri and you’ll enjoy it very much.
I know Lauren little angel
You’ll love Babyliss.

Lauren,
Your Dad loves you without end,
You have brought him such joy.
For you are his first,
Lauren little angel.
Sometimes Mom will scold you,
But she loves you dearly,
You’re her pride and joy.
And when you’ve grown,
You will know Mom was right
And you will be a fine ma’am just like her.
Her codes will sound in your mind,
Each time you have a snag.

Your Dad will fuss over you and really spoil you,
He’ll provide you with all you will need.
He’s the closest living,
Live print of Christ
That you will know.
Make good use of that.

© Samantha Khainza

Not That I wanted it to

Why did I fail to follow
My hunch
When you approached me with love?

You tried so much in the beginning
To catch my eye

At times I don’t need
My sixth sense
To fall for the man I see
But with you I should have rejected
From the word go

I feared you’d hurt me…
Make me sad for not being careful

I feared you’d dump me…
Make me sad for not snubbing your call

I tried hard to
Make for my bruised self
When you forsook me
And sent me hurtful words
I tried hard to
Make for my pain
But it didn’t work
Not that I wanted it to

I feared you’d hurt me…
What happened is what I dreaded most
I lost my trust in you
And lost my trust in men
Albeit wrongly

Feeling tired…depressed
Sleepless from miserable thoughts
You are not worth my salt
But it hurts all the same

My heart is blank
Coz of you
Not that I hate you…oh no
You’ve taught me
That you are tricky

I feared you’d hurt me…
Make me sad for not being careful

I feared you’d dump me…
Make me sad for not snubbing your call

You made me call
Though I didn’t want to
That was really rude
When you told me dreadful things
You made me cry
Though I shouldn’t have
Since they were lies
Said from a moment of rage

I tried hard to
Make for my bruised self
When you forsook me
And sent me hurtful words
I tried hard to
Make for my pain
But it didn’t work
Not that I wanted it to

I feared you’d hurt me…
What happened is what I dreaded most
I lost my trust in you
And lost my trust in men
Albeit wrongly

© Samantha Khainza

Perimenopause

On my last birthday
I was stressed.
On my neck were specks of dots that looked like goose pimples…
I was stressed.
What could this be?
I was stressed.
Looking closely, I saw hair growths…man
I was stressed.
I was stressed by this oddity
On my collar and chest
I was stressed.
When I read ‘Sign of pre middle age’
My body was stressed.

© Samantha Khainza

I Failed

I feel very bad that I failed
Not just you but myself.
To be honest
It makes me fret so
What person wouldn’t?
Can’t be relaxed
Can’t be free.
Feel like maybe it’s a weird state
That makes things that feel right seem bad.
Why is something plain taxing me?
Is there a problem?
Hardly conceivable
Very hard taking this now.
Accepting it
Will need strength.
To feel fine
In the midst
Of liabilities.

© Samantha Khainza

I Must Do It

It
Have it
Give it or keep it
If I give it
It will cost
It will hurt
It will shame
I must do it
It is my task
It is my time
I must give it
I must lose it
It is my choice
That’s if I lose it

© Samantha Khainza

Juiciest Fruits

Darling wants my treasures so badly
Thereby defying ingrained principles
Taught during early times of our pubescence
Yet going against scruples
Cannot fail to beget extreme doubt,
Panic, anguish, pain and gloom.
I do not intend to be squashed out
But to blush, blaze, bud and bloom
Guarded by my spouse, prized and kept
Who knowing that no one held
That liberty to touch but him
He’ll declare, “I’m impelled
Towards juiciest fruits and my cream
That’s gathered for our feel.”

© Samantha Khainza

My Face Book Friend & My Beau

Face book found favour!
Bob’s cousins with D
Whom fortune brought using a web
Which shot with wit
Owing to a plea from D
To make friends by bits…by bytes scheme
It turns out Robert or ‘Bobby’ is my beau
He’s my beau from bliss, D

© Samantha Khainza

A Call from Bobby

“Meet me today class mate of puberty
Meet me here for a movie or two please.
Meet me here, there, I am dying, longing to behold
I’ve searched for you up and down and now you’re found
I’ve grown tall and huge these days, my friend.”

“Come meet you here, you said you Old Boy
Here you barely managed to find me
Bobby, I am scared to blunder, slip-up or err
Suppose, suppose
Your dread comes to pass
Suppose you don’t want hair like mine?
Come meet you? Suppose dinner isn’t my thing?
What if I don’t excite your fancy,
Ruining your day with my qualms?”

© Samantha Khainza

A Voice So Sweet

I can hear his voice right now
It chimes so very clearly
A voice treacly
Each sound distinct and clear
So slowly spoken
All words exact
All words crisp
Can you discern whose it belongs to?
My ray of sun that brings me warmth
His tone cradles me very well
Its silky brass jingles
Smoothly, sweetly
Like a daisy in bloom
As I long
For that day
of opportunities

© Samantha Khainza

Always Whining

I am not in love with you
Touchy mate, angry mate, testy mate
Since you’re ever broke – yesterday broke, today broke
Always whining, always whining, always stirring trouble.
Spirit asks me why, why me why, why, why me?
I am not thrilled, he’s not thrilled, we are not thrilled
‘It’s wealth, wealth you want, wealth you’ll have
Wealth does want hard work, please have some faith.’
I am not in love with you
Touchy mate, angry mate, unkind mate, old style mate.

© Samantha Khainza