Not That I wanted it to

Why did I fail to follow
My hunch
When you approached me with love?

You tried so much in the beginning
To catch my eye

At times I don’t need
My sixth sense
To fall for the man I see
But with you I should have rejected
From the word go

I feared you’d hurt me…
Make me sad for not being careful

I feared you’d dump me…
Make me sad for not snubbing your call

I tried hard to
Make for my bruised self
When you forsook me
And sent me hurtful words
I tried hard to
Make for my pain
But it didn’t work
Not that I wanted it to

I feared you’d hurt me…
What happened is what I dreaded most
I lost my trust in you
And lost my trust in men
Albeit wrongly

Feeling tired…depressed
Sleepless from miserable thoughts
You are not worth my salt
But it hurts all the same

My heart is blank
Coz of you
Not that I hate you…oh no
You’ve taught me
That you are tricky

I feared you’d hurt me…
Make me sad for not being careful

I feared you’d dump me…
Make me sad for not snubbing your call

You made me call
Though I didn’t want to
That was really rude
When you told me dreadful things
You made me cry
Though I shouldn’t have
Since they were lies
Said from a moment of rage

I tried hard to
Make for my bruised self
When you forsook me
And sent me hurtful words
I tried hard to
Make for my pain
But it didn’t work
Not that I wanted it to

I feared you’d hurt me…
What happened is what I dreaded most
I lost my trust in you
And lost my trust in men
Albeit wrongly

© Samantha Khainza

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